搞笑吧

今年元旦回老家时，看到一个老外在向一个农民伯伯问路。只见那个老外一边说着生硬的中文，一边用手笔划，但那个农民伯伯却还是不明白。最后，那个农民伯伯说了一句让我至今难忘的话：“Can　you　speak　English？”

怎样把这句话翻译的高贵优雅有内涵：

"Hey, buddy! If you have something to say, then say! If you have nothing to say, then go!"

正确答案：“众爱卿，有事启奏，无事退朝！”

小时侯上学：
把“English” 读为“应给利息”的同学当了银行行长；
读为“阴沟里洗”的成了菜贩子；
读为“因果联系”的成了哲学家；
读为“硬改历史”的成了政治家；
读为“英国里去”的成了海外华侨；
而我，不小心读成了“应该累死”，结果成了打工的！

I am the Driver

The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn't let him aboard.

"It's too crowded" they shouted:"What do you think you are?"

"I'm the driver" he said.

我是司机

一辆公共汽车已经相当拥挤，还有一个人想挤进来，乘客不让他上去。

“太挤了”他们喊道：“你以为你是谁？”

“我是司机” 他回答说。

　　Prepare Yourself

　　A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."

　　Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."


　　自己做好准备

　　校园里流传着这样的故事：一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈－我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。”

　　两天以后，他收到了回电：“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧！”

　　A Fine Match

　　One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."

　　The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

　　Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!


　　势均力敌

　　有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”

　　这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。

　　令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了！第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片！

　　A Trip to Disney

　　On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I adn our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.

　　As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Good-by, Mickey."

　　Our daughter waved and said, "Good-by, Minnie."

　　My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Good-by, Money."


　　迪斯尼之旅

　　弗罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往旅游，我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后，我们要回家了。

　　当我们驱车离开时，儿子挥手说：“再见，美奇。”

　　女儿挥着手说，“再见，美妮。”

　　丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手，说道：“再见，美元。”

　　That's Why

　　Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, "This boy's going to be famous when he's little older, and then we're going to sell these pictures for a lot more money."

　　Jimmy's pictures were different from other people's because he never painted on all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty.

　　"That's very clever," everyone said, "Nobody else does that!"

　　One day somebody bought one of Jimmy's pictures and then said to him, "Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?"

　　"Because I'm small," Jimmy said, "and my burshes don't reach very high."


　　原来如此

　　吉米三岁开始画画，五岁时已经画得很好了。他画了很多美丽而有趣的画，人们出高价购买。他们说，“这个孩子长大一点肯定会出名，我们可以靠这些画大赚一笔。”

　　吉米的画与众不同。因为他从来不在整张纸上作画。他只画一半的纸，而另一半他总空着。

　　“构思多么巧妙啊!”大家都说，“从来没有人这么做过。”

　　有一天，一个人买了吉米的画，然后问他：“请告诉我，吉米，你为什么总是在纸的下半部分画画，而不是在纸的上半部分？”

　　吉米说，“因为我个头小，够不着上面。”

　　Things Have Been Okay

　　A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."

　　"You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?"

　　"Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."


　　一切都正常

　　一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开品说话，他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治，但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了：“妈妈，面包烤焦了。”

　　“你说话了!你说话了!”他母亲叫了起来。“我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢？”

　　“哦，在这之前，”那男孩说，“一切都很正常。”